Via my good friend Justin.
Scientists discover new element
A major research institution has recently
announced the discovery of the
heaviest element not yet known to science. This new
element has been tentatively named "Administratium".
Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant
neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force
called 'morons,' which are surrounded by vast
quantities of lepton-like particles called 'peons'.
Since Administratium has no electrons, it is
inert. However, it can easily be detected as it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact.
A minute amount of Administratium causes one
reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would
normally take less than
an hour.
Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years;
it does not decay but instead undergoes a
reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy
neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Administratium's mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization causes
some morons to become neutrons forming 'isodopes'.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some
scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed
whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
"Critical Morass."
Thursday, May 9, 2002
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